related_results_labels({"version":"1.0","encoding":"UTF-8","feed":{"xmlns":"http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom","xmlns$openSearch":"http://a9.com/-/spec/opensearchrss/1.0/","xmlns$georss":"http://www.georss.org/georss","id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-12-19T12:36:32.966-08:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Simply Ridiculous"},"subtitle":{"type":"html","$t":"\"Life is a comedy for those who think, and a tragedy for those who feel!!\""},"link":[{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/-/General?alt\u003djson-in-script\u0026max-results\u003d5"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/search/label/General"},{"rel":"hub","href":"http://pubsubhubbub.appspot.com/"},{"rel":"next","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/-/General/-/General?alt\u003djson-in-script\u0026start-index\u003d6\u0026max-results\u003d5"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"}}],"generator":{"version":"7.00","uri":"http://www.blogger.com","$t":"Blogger"},"openSearch$totalResults":{"$t":"11"},"openSearch$startIndex":{"$t":"1"},"openSearch$itemsPerPage":{"$t":"5"},"entry":[{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855.post-6654642029408727097"},"published":{"$t":"2009-03-01T20:33:00.001-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-03-01T20:33:02.332-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Obesity"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Health"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"General"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Lifestyle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Humor"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Close Encounters Of The ‘Fat’ Kind"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI came across so many fat people in the US that I sometimes think that ‘United States of America’ should instead be called the ‘United States of Fatropia’ or the ‘United States of Gigantia’. Maybe America is the only country in the world where people weigh more than the country itself!!\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eOk.. Enough jokes for now. There is more to obesity than meets the eye. In reality, obesity is merely a type of lifestyle, like athleticism or being a geologist! In the last twenty years, the US Surgeon-general has succeeded in brainwashing many people into considering obesity as an evil that must destroyed. But, never has anyone, in the entire history of mankind, considered the positive side of being like a hippo.\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAccording to the theory of evolution by Darwin, obesity is an adaptive mechanism to survive food shortages. And as the human population grows and food supplies dwindle, these guys with huge reserves of fat will obviously have the upper hand in the ‘Survival of the Fittest’ game. ‘Homo Sapiens’ will be totally superseded by ‘Homo Gluttirini’. \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathF2qtd-I/AAAAAAAAEek/Nk7EriH5cV0/s1600-h/200503306.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"20050330\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"20050330\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathJm1G4AI/AAAAAAAAEeo/ZIkxcVBJ2pE/20050330_thumb4.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"407\" height\u003d\"343\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e   \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u0026#160;\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd after the ‘Homo Gluttirini’ take over, the world will look somewhat like this…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathMxLdyMI/AAAAAAAAEes/vg41u2Ocl2g/s1600-h/statu13.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"statu\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"statu\" src\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathQ84e2kI/AAAAAAAAEew/PTfG7l0-sU8/statu_thumb9.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"407\" height\u003d\"444\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd, obesity is good for the economy too.. Companies like McDonalds and Burger King could not function without the gluttonous patronage of the weightily-challenged, and more than 1 million people in the US eke out a living serving fast food to fat fools!! Other organizations that rely on fatties for their existence include fitness centers, weightwatchers groups, diet food companies, liposuction clinics and chip shops, and some analysts believe that, if USA were to abstain from fatty foods, the economy would collapse under the lack of weight!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eObesity also helps in keeping the unemployment rate low. Confused? Ok.. Let me explain.. Obese people die early or quit their jobs early due to morbid illnesses. This allows other people to get their jobs. If everyone were fit and healthy, everyone would live forever and work forever and fewer people would get new jobs. Some economists believe that if obesity were eradicated, then the world economy would go into permanent recession. Obesity, hence, is imperative to maintain a high GDP growth rate!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eFat people are also essential for maintaining everlasting peace in the world. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs? Nope, it’s always the lean, hungry men who are continually worrying society, and setting the whole community by the ears. Feed those skinny Al Qaeda men and see the effect!! \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eDo you ever wonder why elevators or escalators or automatic doors or cars or\u0026#160; computers or even mobiles were invented?? They were invented by lazy, fat blokes for fat blokes who didn’t want to do the hard work. If everyone were lean, mean and fit, these inventions would have never seen the light of the day. Obesity, indeed, is the mother of invention!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThese are just a few reasons why the evolutionary trend would prefer ‘Homo Gluttirini’ over ‘Homo Sapiens’.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSo, does this mean that skinny people stand absolutely no chance in the scheme of evolution???\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eNo reason to despair guys. Because, the researchers in the ‘Great Obesity Clinic of America’ have developed a new technique called the ‘Lipocramming’ which involves shoving fat into your tummies and asses through an iv needle. Finally, a ray of hope for us!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThere are two types of obesities that you can try out…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eLipocram the fat into your ass and get the \u003cstrong\u003e‘Ass-Burger’\u003c/strong\u003e type…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh3.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathUfAO2xI/AAAAAAAAEe0/wohd0vn39wI/s1600-h/bigButt9.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"bigButt\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"bigButt\" src\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathXwg7zmI/AAAAAAAAEe4/gidI8-zqyLE/bigButt_thumb7.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"445\" height\u003d\"428\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eLipocram it into your tummy to get the \u003cstrong\u003e‘Tomato Tummy’\u003c/strong\u003e type…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SathbCGi56I/AAAAAAAAEe8/_myNG0G-AMI/s1600-h/ugly_fat_man_big_tummy_funny_pictur7.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"ugly_fat_man_big_tummy_funny_pictur\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"ugly_fat_man_big_tummy_funny_pictur\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/Sathe5ht8cI/AAAAAAAAEfA/apV3KKLX-IA/ugly_fat_man_big_tummy_funny_pictur_.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"423\" height\u003d\"395\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSo, let us all make a new year resolution to stuff our arteries and veins with Mac-Cholesterol, Burger Fat Kings and Kentucky Fried Fat!! \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eTonight we dine in hell!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eP.S. Please do not read this if you are suffering from high cholesterol or high blood pressure or diabetes mellitus.\u003c/p\u003e \u003c/span\u003e  \u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4606073782188334855-6654642029408727097?l\u003djigarbpatel.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/6654642029408727097/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/03/close-encounters-of-fat-kind.html#comment-form","title":"6 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/6654642029408727097"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/6654642029408727097"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/03/close-encounters-of-fat-kind.html","title":"Close Encounters Of The ‘Fat’ Kind"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"08102376047774440940"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"6"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855.post-9182485045235587900"},"published":{"$t":"2009-02-21T23:41:00.001-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-02-21T23:42:21.797-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Environment"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Global Warming"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"General"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Lifestyle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Social Issues"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Humor"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Saving The Environment – The Crazy Way!!"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSure, Global Warming will be the biggest crisis in history involving the rise of the sea levels and mass loss of homes. Sure, a couple million people will be out of their cities. There has been so much bullshit on Global Warming that it seems more like ‘Global Boring’ to me now. \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eWho cares what happens in the next 100 years? It won't happen within the next week, so why deal with it now? Who cares if the ocean levels rise? Atleast it would be easier to climb Mt. Everest if the mountain tops melt. Nobody will have to plow their driveway anymore! \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eMaybe, I do care a bit. So, to show my concern for the environment, I conducted a survey by asking some questions on Global warming and environment to some random people. Below are listed the replies I received from these people…\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBMPWch1I/AAAAAAAAEeE/XzLyMVw0wsU/s1600-h/Global_Warming_Cartoon.ashx8.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"Global_Warming_Cartoon.ashx\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"Global_Warming_Cartoon.ashx\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBPlhYBbI/AAAAAAAAEeI/RKacg3s-E3M/Global_Warming_Cartoon.ashx_thumb6.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"464\" height\u003d\"349\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e   \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(1) “Global Warring? Yeah. I love Global Warring! I am planning to declare war on Iran next month and then North Korea and then….” – President George Bush, on being asked about his views on Global Warming for the first time.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(2) “Sure, the planet’s going a little warmer. But it won’t feel so bad ‘cause you will be ankle-deep in water!!” – President George Bush, on being explained the theory of Global Warming.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(3) “We can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.” – President George Bush.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(4) “If you wanna save the world, you better figure out what to do with Al Qaeda. They got bombs!!” – A CIA official.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(5) “We are doing our bit for the environment. We are going to move from the ‘One Child Policy’ to a ‘Share A Child’ policy.” – Chinese Minister of Family Planning.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(6) “I heard that fart contains methane gas. Kill anyone who farts too much!!” – Chinese Prime Minister.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(7) “What?? Global warming is attacking us?? We need more foreign aid to buy missiles to defend ourselves!!” – Prime Minister of Pakistan.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(8) “In our continuing effort to counteract global warming, we have decided to bring back the Cold War.” – Russian Prime Minister Putin.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(9) “I help the environment by wearing wigs. People put a lot of chemicals in their hair, then they wash it out, it goes right into the river, and then people gotta drink that water. When you wear a wig, just flush it down the toilet. It ends up in your glass, well then atleast you can see it!!” – A Hair dresser.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(10) “Deny that Global Warming is a theory by burning every copy of Newsweek that reported Global Warming.” – A protagonist of the Global Cooling theory.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(11) “If the earth dies, that would be tragic, but I would sure like to sell that coffin.” – A Funeral Director.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(12) “I drive my SUV all the time. If I walk, I have to eat more and if I eat more, I have to shit more. And shit pollutes the environment!!” – American guy.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(13) “I save the environment by driving as much as I can. You ride that train? That train is filthy man!! You know it’s dirty as hell. Full of black people!! If you wanna save the planet, get rid of them trains.” – A racist guy.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBSxerVhI/AAAAAAAAEeM/HQthmcmc-p8/s1600-h/95616.gif\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"956\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"956\" src\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBWl-Z75I/AAAAAAAAEeQ/lZKe2KzQsDo/956_thumb12.gif?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"494\" height\u003d\"399\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(14) “When working on a project, I accidently invented the perpetual motion machine. But, I won’t reveal that to anyone. I don’t want to be on the hit list of all the power companies. Hell no!!” – A scientist.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(15) “We should abolish the environment, for its hard to clean and it takes too much place!!” – A blonde. \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(16) “I don’t know what a tree looks like. I think I once saw it on Discovery Channel. Looked cool!!” – A New Yorker.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(17) “Is the north pole melting? Where will Santa stay??” – A concerned 6 year old.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(18) “Make it legal to hunt global warming. See some warm air? Shoot it. Found some aerosol? Shoot it. See someone driving a hummer? Blow up the hummer. Do your part today to fight global warming and save the polar bears.” – A polar bear hunter.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(19) “Why don’t we all turn on our ACs and keep the doors open? That is bound to cool down the environment.” – A sheikh in Saudi Arabia.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(20) “I think I won’t mind the rising sea levels. My house will be much closer to the beach!!” – A bloke in Little Rock, Arkansas.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBaOkqzdI/AAAAAAAAEeU/Va8HtRPq27k/s1600-h/483144644_59ddb8ab60_o9.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px\" title\u003d\"483144644_59ddb8ab60_o\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"483144644_59ddb8ab60_o\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBdlXk7hI/AAAAAAAAEeY/5FsGLoxvYYg/483144644_59ddb8ab60_o_thumb7.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"362\" height\u003d\"371\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBgOh8-sI/AAAAAAAAEec/dEHVnqYlJKQ/s1600-h/polit_globalwarmingsoluti11.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: inline; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px\" title\u003d\"polit_global-warming-soluti\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"polit_global-warming-soluti\" src\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SaEBkKB8pWI/AAAAAAAAEeg/iH-b0foxNaw/polit_globalwarmingsoluti_thumb9.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"401\" height\u003d\"371\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u0026#160; \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(21) “\u003ci\u003eGlobal Warming extremists\u003c/i\u003e don't seem to understand that even if skiing opportunities become extinct, there will be unlimited water skiing possibilities in the future.” – A skiing enthusiast.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(22) “Oxygen is the real culprit behind global warming. If there was no oxygen, the human race wouldn't exist, and henceforth the process of global warming would not exist.” – Hitler.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(23) “Greenhouse gases? I thought they escaped through the hole in the ozone layer.” – An over-smart whiz kid.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(24) “Fill a bottle with water before you throw it away. This will prevent sea-level rise.” – A blonde on the beach.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(25) “Stick a cork in every cow's ass.” – A farmer, on being explained that methane from cows’ farts contribute to Global Warming.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSeems like some of these guys were good at coming up with simply ridiculous, solar powered excuses in my hypothetical survey. But if the future lies in the hands of people with such views, then I can say just one thing. The future for Mother Earth is totally bleak. In fact, there is no future!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eBut, why should I give a crap about it? Global Warming is a pain in the ass for the future generations. Not me!!\u003c/p\u003e \u003c/span\u003e  \u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4606073782188334855-9182485045235587900?l\u003djigarbpatel.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/9182485045235587900/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/saving-environment-crazy-ideas.html#comment-form","title":"5 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/9182485045235587900"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/9182485045235587900"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/saving-environment-crazy-ideas.html","title":"Saving The Environment – The Crazy Way!!"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"08102376047774440940"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"5"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855.post-8376406516404862685"},"published":{"$t":"2009-02-15T20:43:00.001-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-02-15T20:43:38.839-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"General"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Internet"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Leisure"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Lifestyle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Humor"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"You’ve Got Spam!!"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e“The seven deadly sins of the modern world – greed, wrath, gluttony, pornography, envy, indifference and \u003cstrong\u003espam\u003c/strong\u003e.” – Me.\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSin or no sin. I just love spam emails!! \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eYes that's right, I love getting emails telling me that there is a Nigerian man ditched on the international space station with no way back and his family is trying to raise funds to send a space-ship to fetch him.\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI love the emails that tell me I have won a million dollars in a lottery. I used to keep count of the total amount of money I had won. But soon I lost count and I think by now I should have won a gazillion bazillion dollars. Wow! I might just be the richest guy on the earth!!\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eMy morning coffee tastes bland without seeing a letter from someone I've never heard of proclaiming my dead relative in Saudi Arabia has died and left me his fortune which he got from being a pacifier tycoon. \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh3.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZjusl74SEI/AAAAAAAAEds/U2N3mzOx208/s1600-h/mban763l5.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"mban763l\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"mban763l\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZjuwPVT9FI/AAAAAAAAEdw/ZrodUVCchwU/mban763l_thumb3.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"342\" height\u003d\"286\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSome of my favorite spam are….\u003c/p\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e   \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(1) \u0026quot;Add extra inches to your war cannon.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u0026quot;Rock her world with your elongated bayonet.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Shoot further with your flamethrower of love.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Make her pull the pin on your new sex grenade.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;You'll feel like the king of the old west when you're packing a bigger pistol.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Mob bosses will have nothing on your huge machine gun.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;Ram your massive submarine into her battleship.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cblockquote\u003e     \u003cp\u003e\u0026quot;She'll get more than bubblegum from your huge bazooka.\u0026quot;\u003c/p\u003e      \u003cp\u003e– These are the popular one-liners from those p*nis enlargement guys. How the hell did they know my size?\u003c/p\u003e   \u003c/blockquote\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(2) E-Bay tips for Dummies – Mind your tongue. Who are you calling dummies?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(3) Viagra for peanuts – Why the hell do I need Viagra?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh3.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZju0KVC4BI/AAAAAAAAEd0/yrv9mPK89wY/s1600-h/marn45l7.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"marn45l\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"marn45l\" src\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZju3_0Cb_I/AAAAAAAAEd4/c6tqpwxuR9U/marn45l_thumb5.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"359\" height\u003d\"318\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(4) Get Your Free I-Pod – Why didn’t you tell me that you were giving away I-Pods for free? I wouldn’t have thrown away a 100 dollars on buying one.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(5) Get Paid While You Sleep - Who said if you snooze, you lose.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(6) Refinance Before it’s Too Late - Too late for what? I haven’t even taken a loan yet!! \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(7) Hot Chicks in Your Area - Does that mean the KFC around the corner?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(8) We have Found Your Missing Money – Have you been looking under my sofa cushions again ?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(9) Drug Rehab Center – How did these guys know that I was taking too many Tylenols?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(10) Stop Paying Taxes! - And start going to prison, right?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(11) Great Careers Opportunity - Did I mention I’m still studying?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(12) Acai Berry to loose inches from your waistline - Sorry guys. I have to put on a lot of weight before I can think of loosing some!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(13) Get Your Degree Online - Wow! I can be a doctor online? Why the hell did I spend 6 years in Med school?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(14) A Woman Wants You - This must be from my fiancé needing money again!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(15) Puerto Rico Land is Yours - Funny, I don’t remember ordering any.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(16) Microsoft Lottery Winner - The first thing I will do with this money is to dump my vista laptop and buy a Macbook.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(17) Black Singles Network - Um, again, I am neither black nor single.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(18) For Christian Singles! - Um, I am neither.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(19) Some guy wanting me put 100000000000 dollars in my account – Man! I can’t even put a name to that figure even though I was good at math!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(20) Some other woman telling me that I could help her by pretty much laundering money.. No Thanks!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(21) Get Hoodia Gordonii and loose weight overnight – Sounds more like an African monster!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(21) Something in Chinese...\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(22)Forward this email to atleast 12 guys - The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends. Note failure to send such mails can also result in bad luck, deteriorating health and the deaths of small children. Like this one guy, he didn't forward one, and he woke up at the bottom of a well where he was killed. True story!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e(23) I have a business proposal – These business proposals are like a Back-to-the-Future meets Matrix meets Star Trek type of thing.\u0026#160; Totally weird!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u0026#160;\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZju6fZf0nI/AAAAAAAAEd8/Z7Ay6n_opes/s1600-h/20060914Viagraspamemails5507.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"2006-09-14 Viagra spam emails 550\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"2006-09-14 Viagra spam emails 550\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZju-I1DmLI/AAAAAAAAEeA/PnibE9Fl8zo/20060914Viagraspamemails550_thumb5.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"371\" height\u003d\"307\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd once again, this is what the omniscient Uncyclopedia has to say about spam emails…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e“The term SPAM took new life with the invention of the WWW (West Wisconsin Waste) in 1873. An acronym for \u003cb\u003eS\u003c/b\u003eolicited \u003cb\u003eP\u003c/b\u003eiece'o \u003cb\u003eA\u003c/b\u003ectual \u003cb\u003eM\u003c/b\u003eail, SPAM allowed millions to realize the full value of the Internets. Millions of penii were lengthened. Nigeria became the richest country on Earth, as even low-level government functionaries became able to access forbidden bank accounts. Every single person in South Carolina obtained a \u003ci\u003eMaster of Mental Health Counseling\u003c/i\u003e degree from the University of Mississippi. And hot, hot bestiality replaced croquet as America's National Pastime. SPAMmers became the heroes of the 1940's Gilded Age, and their exploits were sung about by bards and lumberjacks. Notable SPAMmers and SPAMrunners (spam couriers) include Beowulf and Roland. Much has been written about Beowulf's exploits on the Internet, such as the time when he fought his way through a horde of Francium bubbles in order to deliver a package of Grade-A SPAM to a poverty-stricken Nigerian colony. Beowulf later met the noble Interknight Roland and together they braved an AOLian citadel, where they slew the Vorpal beast and freed captured SPAM POWs from reprogramming. Leading historians note that Beowulf was in fact German and therefore may not even exist. What about grendel ? He is the \u003cb\u003eS\u003c/b\u003eiberian \u003cb\u003eP\u003c/b\u003eerrogative \u003cb\u003eA\u003c/b\u003estrodynamic \u003cb\u003eM\u003c/b\u003eonstrosity.”\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSometimes, it’s fun to just send a stupid reply to these spammers. \u003cem\u003eSnapsam\u003c/em\u003e,\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem\u003e \u003c/em\u003e\u003c/strong\u003eover at the \u003ca href\u003d\"http://stuft.com.au/\"\u003e\u003cem\u003eStuft\u003c/em\u003e blog\u003c/a\u003e, has composed her own \u003cem\u003eplease help \u003c/em\u003eemail which could be sent in retaliation to those fake missing children emails and similar spam which often litter our inboxes. \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“I really need your help….\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI lost the keys to my house. They've been missing now for two weeks. Maybe if we pass this email on to everyone we can work together to find them. Even if it goes overseas, who knows they may have been \u0026quot;keynapped\u0026quot; and taken as far away as Canada, India or Mesotaplioma.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWith God on our side, they will be found. I'm begging you please forward this to everyone in your address book if you do, your good deed will be payed back to you ten fold.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eI don't know how it works it just does. Trust me. Forward this email to all your friends and family and I guarantee they will return the favor by forwarding you all their crap email for the rest of your natural life.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eIf you forward to \u0026gt;5 people, you will feel like you have lots of friends as they start forwarding you all their spam emails.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eForward to \u0026gt;10 people and your love life will be enhanced by offers of p*nis enlargement therapy.\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eForward to \u0026gt;20 people and I will personally come over to your house drink all your liquor and tear your computer out of the wall so you can never forward this crap to anyone ever again.”\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI just don’t understand how some people are still falling for the scams that these spam mails entail; come on people if someone is called Roger Digeridoo from flippin Nigeria and his Grandad made millions and it’s locked in a bank in the Ivory Coast do you think it’s true!!! But then.. How would I get to enjoy such morning masala if not for these stupid guys!! Keep it coming spammers!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eJust subscribe to the \u003ca href\u003d\"http://feedproxy.google.com/SimplyRidiculous\" target\u003d\"_blank\"\u003eSimply Ridiculous RSS Feed\u003c/a\u003e to enjoy some ridiculous spam from your friendly neighborhood doc!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________ \u003c/p\u003e \u003c/span\u003e  \u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4606073782188334855-8376406516404862685?l\u003djigarbpatel.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/8376406516404862685/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/youve-got-spam.html#comment-form","title":"6 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/8376406516404862685"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/8376406516404862685"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/youve-got-spam.html","title":"You’ve Got Spam!!"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"08102376047774440940"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"6"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855.post-519229462012241422"},"published":{"$t":"2009-02-09T22:55:00.001-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-02-09T22:55:06.882-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"General"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Leisure"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Lifestyle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Humor"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"5 Things I Hate About USA – Part 5. American Football"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI don’t like a lot of sports like golf and baseball. But, American Football leads the list. I never seem to understand America’s obsession with American Football. \u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eWhat’s so entertaining about a bunch of doughy, sweaty men in shoulder pads and pedal pushers lining up in front of each other time and again just to slam into each other and land in a pile while some scrawny guy tries to throw the ball to some other scrawny guy before the fat guys jump on him. It's just simply ridiculous!!\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd why the hell is it called ‘Football’? Neither is it played with the foot nor does the ridiculously shaped ‘ball’ look like a ball in any imaginable way. Why don’t they call it the ‘Hand Egg’?\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEkjdIDLKI/AAAAAAAAEcw/KQSasG16P6o/s1600-h/Handegg6.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"Handegg\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"Handegg\" src\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEkmZuG1CI/AAAAAAAAEc0/mZzSuIDvRR0/Handegg_thumb4.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"442\" height\u003d\"336\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e   \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI believe that American Football is popular since it helps to keep the crime rate low in America. After all, it is a perfect way for these guys to get rid of their aggression without having to go to jail for it. Everyone is given a free pass to hit the shit out of each other till someone falls unconscious on the grass!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh3.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEkpHjBp2I/AAAAAAAAEc8/FXmTGIQq3Mc/s1600-h/football%5B6%5D.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"football\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"football\" src\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEksXAzowI/AAAAAAAAEdA/DtIGMugRpq8/football_thumb%5B4%5D.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"364\" height\u003d\"298\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u0026#160;\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEku-Qf9-I/AAAAAAAAEdE/PmW13eAHbZM/s1600-h/football_headless%5B6%5D.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"football_headless\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"football_headless\" src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SZEkx7PXUgI/AAAAAAAAEdI/0XxFy18k8AE/football_headless_thumb%5B4%5D.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"357\" height\u003d\"308\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAmerican Football is just an hour long sport which actually lasts for four hours – arguably the slowest game on earth! There are ads with each change of possession, most time-outs and challenges, between quarters, the 2-minute warning, after every score, half time, another set of challenges and time-outs, another 2-minute warning, booth reviews, injuries - it's just ridiculous. Jut try turning the TV on at random in the middle of a game. If there aren’t ads showing and anything is actually happening, it’s a miracle. And if anyone says cricket is slower, I’ll let Geoffrey Boycott loose on them!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd what’s so super about ‘Super Bowl’? Does it have wings or something? Did it win the ‘super’ title from \u003ca href\u003d\"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2008/12/failed-superheroes.html\" target\u003d\"_blank\"\u003eSuperman\u003c/a\u003e in a poker game? Anyways, the Uncyclopedia defines it as, “The Super Bowl is a collection of high-priced, high-production-value television commercials directed at 18-45 year old males with arrested development, presented annually a few weeks after the holidays.”\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAmerican Football is a lot similar to Rugby with a name that’s been stolen from Football. So, what’s the actual difference between American Football, Rugby and the real Football (that thing which Americans recognize by the name ‘Soccer’). Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen. Soccer is a gentleman’s game played by beasts. American Football is a beastly game played by beasts!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eWhat’s the big deal in a sport that is probably played by only two countries, USA and Canada?\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eOk.. Here’s what some smart asses like me have to say about this…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eAss slapping, tight pants, excessive protection, and a ridiculously shaped ball. Sounds like a bunch of schizophrenic ten-year-olds developed this game.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eOscar Wilde\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eIf a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.\u003c/q\u003e\u0026#160; \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eErma Bombeck\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eM\u003cq\u003eost football teams are temperamental.That's 90% temper and 10% mental.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eDoug Plank\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eYou have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eDan Birdwell\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003ePro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eFrank Gifford\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eAmerican football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eSue Lawley\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eThe reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003ePhyllis Diller\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eCollege football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.\u003c/q\u003e       \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eElbert Hubbard\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003cq\u003eIt's football you retards! Stop changing it's name to make your American sport look good. \u003c/q\u003e      \u003cbr /\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u0026#160;\u0026#160; - \u003cstrong\u003eObviously not me!\u003c/strong\u003e\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eP.S. This post is just meant to be satirical. So, if you can’t get the satire and decide to send me hate mail, then you should certainly get your brain examined by a \u003ca href\u003d\"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2008/12/neurology-is-it-overrated.html\" target\u003d\"_blank\"\u003eNeurologist\u003c/a\u003e for the pathological condition characterized by the loss of sense of satire.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eIf you do appreciate simply ridiculous satire, then go on and subscribe to the \u003ca href\u003d\"http://feedproxy.google.com/SimplyRidiculous\" target\u003d\"_blank\"\u003eSimply Ridiculous RSS Feed\u003c/a\u003e.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________\u003c/p\u003e \u003c/span\u003e  \u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4606073782188334855-519229462012241422?l\u003djigarbpatel.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/519229462012241422/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/5-things-i-hate-about-usa-part-5.html#comment-form","title":"2 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/519229462012241422"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/519229462012241422"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/5-things-i-hate-about-usa-part-5.html","title":"5 Things I Hate About USA – Part 5. American Football"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"08102376047774440940"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"2"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4606073782188334855.post-2008156582535184447"},"published":{"$t":"2009-02-05T07:55:00.001-08:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-02-21T23:43:21.238-08:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"General"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Leisure"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Lifestyle"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Humor"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"5 Things I Hate About US – Part 4. Shopping Malls"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI suspect I am genetically predisposed to scorn shopping unless it is something related to computers or cars. But, surely, I am not the only genetic freak. Nature has created an entire breed of humans like me who just hate those swanky, humongous monstrosities called shopping malls.\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThis is what the reliable Uncyclopedia says about the origin of this curse on mankind called shopping malls..\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e“The Zarathustra Bible of 8000 BC reveals the origin of shopping mall. It was under the third full moon that Baal decided to punish humanity. His curse was called…. The Shopping Mall!! Baal himself said, “Those who like to walk slow shall be in the way of those who like to walk fast. Women shall bring their screaming children and ignore them completely. From the Zarathustra Bible, page 86.”\u003c/p\u003e  \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI hate everything about shopping malls. Bored parents with hoards of children screaming to ride the toy horse. Massive herds of 13 year olds just looking for a hang out place away from home. And not to mention the saleswomen sprinting after the ladies with stinky perfume samples, the smell of stale chicken and hamburgers from the fast food restaurants, the plump mall cops swishing around on Segways and weirdoes throwing used credit cards and store coupons in the wishing fountains.\u003c/p\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e   \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh6.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SYsL0IIOb4I/AAAAAAAAEcc/Q_g9CnZyGL8/s1600-h/lostinmall5.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"lostinmall\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"lostinmall\" src\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SYsL2ggjZUI/AAAAAAAAEcg/0EccqSmUV20/lostinmall_thumb3.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"304\" height\u003d\"337\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThen there is Old Navy. The clothes here are so over-sized that I often wonder that “Do they make clothes for a human or a bunch of humans!!'” I once came accross a pant that could fit three of me or a baby elephant!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd forgive me if I just hate buying over-priced ‘Made in India’ clothes from American malls. I can easily get better quality clothes for a much cheaper price in India! \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnother nuisance are those damn crappy stalls in the middle of the malls trying to sell you crap like chinese massages, weird gizmos and beauty products claiming to be made from natural ingredients like stuff from the oceans or rainforests!! Do these people think I am insane? If I ever want these beauty stuff, I will go to the beach and get all the ingredients for free!! \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eI know that America is the fattest nation in the world and so there are going to be fat people everywhere. But, I just hate having to make some massive detour because some big fat guy decided to take a break in the middle of the walkway.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThe malls are also the perfect breeding spot for an extremely dangerous species called the ‘Survey Takers’. These beasts relentlessly pursue you until you give in and agree to be tortured by their questions like what brand of underwear you use, what perfume you put on and so on.\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://lh5.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SYsL5XVoBzI/AAAAAAAAEck/C2YQmchCwZA/s1600-h/parking5.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"border-right-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; border-top-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; margin-left: auto; border-left-width: 0px; margin-right: auto\" title\u003d\"parking\" border\u003d\"0\" alt\u003d\"parking\" src\u003d\"http://lh3.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SYsL7nhdMbI/AAAAAAAAEco/pZ41Ti_AVe0/parking_thumb3.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" width\u003d\"300\" height\u003d\"322\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e \u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eAnd, of course, the one thing that almost everyone hates. The Parking Garage!! These are labyrinths where people wander around aimlessly trying to remember where they parked. It is rumored some people were there so long they hooked up, started families, brought about a new subculture of youth that have never been touched by natural light or breathed non-ventilated air!!\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eFinally, I can say that absolutely nothing can make me want to go to the malls. Except, ofcourse, one thing…\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cp align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eThat is if Robin Sparkles personally sings me the song “Let’s go to the mall”… Only if..\u003c/p\u003e    \u003cdiv align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e     \u003cdiv style\u003d\"padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px auto; padding-left: 0px; width: 453px; padding-right: 0px; display: block; float: none; padding-top: 0px\" id\u003d\"scid:5737277B-5D6D-4f48-ABFC-DD9C333F4C5D:9464ff0e-1406-4223-92b0-cf917d21c7d9\" class\u003d\"wlWriterEditableSmartContent\"\u003e\u003cdiv id\u003d\"49ad9248-55b2-4712-b413-32c744468dbe\" style\u003d\"margin: 0px; padding: 0px; display: inline;\"\u003e\u003cdiv\u003e\u003ca href\u003d\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dgdD0j6wmMNc\u0026amp;hl\u003den\u0026amp;fs\u003d1\" target\u003d\"_new\"\u003e\u003cimg src\u003d\"http://lh4.ggpht.com/_APjgPmP_12w/SYsL9yxRYAI/AAAAAAAAEcs/1PpLV5pN_IA/videodb65fc2f82ad%5B16%5D.jpg?imgmax\u003d800\" style\u003d\"border-style: none\" galleryimg\u003d\"no\" onload\u003d\"var downlevelDiv \u003d document.getElementById('49ad9248-55b2-4712-b413-32c744468dbe'); downlevelDiv.innerHTML \u003d \u0026quot;\u0026lt;div\u0026gt;\u0026lt;object width\u003d\\\u0026quot;453\\\u0026quot; height\u003d\\\u0026quot;379\\\u0026quot;\u0026gt;\u0026lt;param name\u003d\\\u0026quot;movie\\\u0026quot; value\u003d\\\u0026quot;http://www.youtube.com/v/gdD0j6wmMNc\u0026amp;hl\u003den\u0026amp;fs\u003d1\u0026amp;hl\u003den\\\u0026quot;\u0026gt;\u0026lt;\\/param\u0026gt;\u0026lt;embed src\u003d\\\u0026quot;http://www.youtube.com/v/gdD0j6wmMNc\u0026amp;hl\u003den\u0026amp;fs\u003d1\u0026amp;hl\u003den\\\u0026quot; type\u003d\\\u0026quot;application/x-shockwave-flash\\\u0026quot; width\u003d\\\u0026quot;453\\\u0026quot; height\u003d\\\u0026quot;379\\\u0026quot;\u0026gt;\u0026lt;\\/embed\u0026gt;\u0026lt;\\/object\u0026gt;\u0026lt;\\/div\u0026gt;\u0026quot;;\" alt\u003d\"\"\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/div\u003e\u003c/div\u003e\u003c/div\u003e   \u003c/div\u003e    \u003cdiv align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e\u0026#160;\u003c/div\u003e    \u003cdiv align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________\u003c/div\u003e    \u003cdiv align\u003d\"justify\"\u003eSubscribe to the \u003ca href\u003d\"http://feedproxy.google.com/SimplyRidiculous\" target\u003d\"_blank\"\u003eSimply Ridiculous RSS Feed\u003c/a\u003e here….\u003c/div\u003e    \u003cdiv align\u003d\"justify\"\u003e___________________________________________________________\u003c/div\u003e \u003c/span\u003e  \u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4606073782188334855-2008156582535184447?l\u003djigarbpatel.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/feeds/2008156582535184447/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/5-things-i-hate-about-us-part-4.html#comment-form","title":"4 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/2008156582535184447"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/4606073782188334855/posts/default/2008156582535184447"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://jigarbpatel.blogspot.com/2009/02/5-things-i-hate-about-us-part-4.html","title":"5 Things I Hate About US – Part 4. Shopping Malls"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"Dr. Jigar Patel"},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16245158813050097378"},"email":{"$t":"Jigar.PatelB@gmail.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"08102376047774440940"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"4"}}]}});