Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the Moon. Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
The Chicken crossed the road because Chuck Norris said so.
Godzilla started attacking Texas so Chuck Norris attacked Tokyo.
Chuck Norris can make Brock Lesnar tap out just by agreeing to a fight.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris' watch doesn't have numbers on it. It just says "Time to Kick Ass."
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there, in which case it is soaked with blood and tears.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for most beard related killings.
Chuck Norris was "He Who Must Not Be Named" to Lord Voldemort.
Chuck Norris once used a Black Widow spider as a safety pin.
Chuck Norris can chew water.
Freddy Krueger is afraid Chuck Norris will fall asleep.
Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew tobacco. He chews gun powder.
Chuck Norris washes down his liquor with some steak.
Bloody Mary is afraid to say Chuck Norris three times.
When Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens, he probed THEM.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.
Some people go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris went up Niagra Falls in a cardboard box.
As the old saying goes: "If you can't beat them, you're not Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can't "love", he can only "not kill".
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just fights backwards.
When life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he just makes orange juice.
Rattlesnakes need antivenom when they bite Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't drink Gatorade. He drinks acid mixed with glass shards.
Chuck Norris won a marathon on a treadmill.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry - he actually ate an Indian.
The sun should never look straight into Chuck Norris.
Whoops! Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fact that was here.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris sang rain, rain go away, and it did.
Chuck Norris downloads his Xbox 360 games from the Playstation store.
Which came first? Chuck Norris or the Roundhouse Kick?
Chuck Norris stops for gas when his meter says "Full".
Chuck Norris can moonwalk forward.
Chuck Norris has his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns.
Bears play dead when they are attacked by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts all his eggs in one basket.
When Chuck Norris wears Crocs, he's actually wearing two Crocodiles.
Chuck Norris does not go fishing, he goes basskicking!
All your bases belong to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can live with and without women.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a remote for his TV because he is always in control.
Chuck Norris is so fast that he can visit 12 planets at the same time.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
When Chuck Norris calls the doctor, pigs will fly and hell with freeze over.
Chuck Norris can tweet with more than 140 characters.
Every July, sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
The Soup Nazi let Chuck Norris have as much soup as he wants.
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on Earth after the Rapture. He will spend his time fight the Anti-Christ.
The first rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris made Bart Simpson eat his won shorts.
Contrary to the popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he lears Chuck Norris is.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris was once the FBI's chief negotiater. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and won.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris has the eyes of an angel and the sould of a saint. He keeps them in a shoebox under his bed.
Chuck Norris' calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris rides a Tyrannosaur when he goes shopping.
Chuck Norris doesn't like lizards, that's why he killed the dinosaurs.
Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris can see John Cena.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked", you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
When God said, "Let there be light.", Chuck Norris said: "say please."
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
We all dream about Perfection. Perfection dreams about Chuck Norris.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Superman's weakness is Kryptonite. Kryptonite's weakness is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wins games he isn't playing.
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
Chuck Norris found Waldo - before the books came out.
Chuck Norris doesn't fart. Nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can skip a stone underwater.
In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris gives the doctor a lollipop after his visits.
Chuck Norris showers in children's tears.
Chuck Norris had an Iphone - before Steve Jobs was born.
Chuck Norris doesn't count sheep to get to sleep. He counts skulls.
Chuck Norris haunted a ghost once and forced it commit suicide.
Chuck Norris once won a staring contest with Medusa.
Chuck Norris doesn't quit smoking. Chuck Norris never quits.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a klondike bar.
Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
Chuck Norris found the needle in the haystack. And Roundhouse Kicked it.
Chuck Norris doesn't use toothpaste. He uses concrete.
M&M's melt in Chuck Norris' hand.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
(To Be Continued.)
The Chicken crossed the road because Chuck Norris said so.
Godzilla started attacking Texas so Chuck Norris attacked Tokyo.
Chuck Norris can make Brock Lesnar tap out just by agreeing to a fight.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris' watch doesn't have numbers on it. It just says "Time to Kick Ass."
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Chuck Norris has been there, in which case it is soaked with blood and tears.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for most beard related killings.
Chuck Norris was "He Who Must Not Be Named" to Lord Voldemort.
Chuck Norris once used a Black Widow spider as a safety pin.
Chuck Norris can chew water.
Freddy Krueger is afraid Chuck Norris will fall asleep.
Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
Chuck Norris doesn't chew tobacco. He chews gun powder.
Chuck Norris washes down his liquor with some steak.
Bloody Mary is afraid to say Chuck Norris three times.
When Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens, he probed THEM.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.
Some people go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris went up Niagra Falls in a cardboard box.
As the old saying goes: "If you can't beat them, you're not Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can't "love", he can only "not kill".
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just fights backwards.
When life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he just makes orange juice.
Rattlesnakes need antivenom when they bite Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't drink Gatorade. He drinks acid mixed with glass shards.
Chuck Norris won a marathon on a treadmill.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry - he actually ate an Indian.
The sun should never look straight into Chuck Norris.
Whoops! Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the fact that was here.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris sang rain, rain go away, and it did.
Chuck Norris downloads his Xbox 360 games from the Playstation store.
Which came first? Chuck Norris or the Roundhouse Kick?
Chuck Norris stops for gas when his meter says "Full".
Chuck Norris can moonwalk forward.
Chuck Norris has his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns.
Bears play dead when they are attacked by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts all his eggs in one basket.
When Chuck Norris wears Crocs, he's actually wearing two Crocodiles.
Chuck Norris does not go fishing, he goes basskicking!
All your bases belong to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can live with and without women.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a remote for his TV because he is always in control.
Chuck Norris is so fast that he can visit 12 planets at the same time.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
When Chuck Norris calls the doctor, pigs will fly and hell with freeze over.
Chuck Norris can tweet with more than 140 characters.
Every July, sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
The Soup Nazi let Chuck Norris have as much soup as he wants.
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on Earth after the Rapture. He will spend his time fight the Anti-Christ.
The first rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris made Bart Simpson eat his won shorts.
Contrary to the popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he lears Chuck Norris is.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris was once the FBI's chief negotiater. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and won.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris has the eyes of an angel and the sould of a saint. He keeps them in a shoebox under his bed.
Chuck Norris' calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris rides a Tyrannosaur when he goes shopping.
Chuck Norris doesn't like lizards, that's why he killed the dinosaurs.
Chuck Norris talks about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris can see John Cena.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked", you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
When God said, "Let there be light.", Chuck Norris said: "say please."
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
We all dream about Perfection. Perfection dreams about Chuck Norris.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Superman's weakness is Kryptonite. Kryptonite's weakness is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wins games he isn't playing.
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
Chuck Norris found Waldo - before the books came out.
Chuck Norris doesn't fart. Nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can skip a stone underwater.
In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris gives the doctor a lollipop after his visits.
Chuck Norris showers in children's tears.
Chuck Norris had an Iphone - before Steve Jobs was born.
Chuck Norris doesn't count sheep to get to sleep. He counts skulls.
Chuck Norris haunted a ghost once and forced it commit suicide.
Chuck Norris once won a staring contest with Medusa.
Chuck Norris doesn't quit smoking. Chuck Norris never quits.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a klondike bar.
Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.
Chuck Norris found the needle in the haystack. And Roundhouse Kicked it.
Chuck Norris doesn't use toothpaste. He uses concrete.
M&M's melt in Chuck Norris' hand.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
(To Be Continued.)
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