Intelligent Design For Dummies – Part 2. Intelligent Falling

One fine day, while sitting in an apple orchard, Sir Isaac Newton decided to get stoned. To his dismay, he had run out of bongs. Being a great scientist, he thought of a solution.. An Apple Bong!!

And this is how Newton discovered Apple Bongs!!

But wait.. Where does Gravity figure in this incident??

While Newton was working on his contraption, a villager, who owned the orchard, caught him and accused him of stealing apples. Being a smartass, Newton succeeded in confusing the villager with some nonsense about a mystical force called ‘gravity’ pulling the apples towards hell.

And this is how the theory of Gravity was discovered!!

Gravity is just a stupid theory discovered by someone who was high. Even children can see how ridiculous it is to imagine that people in Australia are upside down with respect to us, as gravity theory would have it!!

The only reason Gravity is being taught in schools is because the Communists wanted so.. The mere name “Universal Theory of Gravity” or “Theory of Universal Gravity” has a distinctly socialist ring to it. The core idea of “to each according to his weight, from each according to his mass” is communist. There is no reason that gravity should apply to the just and the unjust, the rich and the poor, humans and animals equally. It’s just  Communist crap!!

The theory of gravity violates common sense in many ways. Adherents have a hard time explaining, for instance, why airplanes do not fall. Since anti-gravity is rejected by the scientific establishment, they resort to lots of hand-waving. The theory, if taken seriously, implies that the default position for all airplanes is on the ground. While this is obviously true for Concorde airplanes, it appears that the Boeing and Airbus airplanes have a superior theory that effectively harnesses forces that overcome so-called gravity.

The theory of gravity violates the third law of motion too. The third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So if gravity were true, then for every apple that fell, one should fly. For every plane that flew, one should have fallen…

But then there has to be some reason, some force that causes things to fall..

The answer is an intelligent force. This dependence on the intelligent force to keep people from flying into space and to travel towards the ground when leaving a higher plain is referred to as ‘Intelligent Falling’.

Intelligent Falling is an argument against the naturalistic theory of unguided falling or Gravity. IF argues that life and other aspects of the physical universe are too complex to be able to fall through natural processes alone. Thus, various features of the universe, and of living things, are best explained by a puller and not by undirected process.

Intelligent Falling has its roots in Christian science, the well-respected alternative theory of everything, which holds that God does everything everywhere at all times, except help us reproduce or have fun, which are of course Satan's responsibilities.

Fall theory, however, leaves the identity of the Intelligent Puller open. Some say that it could only be God. While others argue that if God were pushing and pulling everything in the universe, He wouldn’t have time for anything else. So, God has an army of Angels to take care of the Intelligent Falling process. (Angels are very tiny, and undetectable with any instrument we might devise. Space is filled with them. There's a quantum sea of angels everywhere in the universe, in every nook and cranny. )

Now it would be simple to explain why does a body fall..

Angels pass it from one to another like a fireman's bucket brigade. They do this in strict accordance to the "Angelic Operations Manual", written by the hand of God, in which angelic procedures are carried out precisely so that everything that happens in the universe "goes by the book". Therefore everything conforms to the equations found in physics books—equations that scientists imagined they discovered. Once in a while a directive comes down from on high that certain procedures are to be suspended or modified when a miracle is required, but mostly things run like clockwork.

Intelligent Design For Dummies – Part 2. Intelligent Falling