A few days back, the Sri Lankan Cricket team was ambushed by a group of terrorists while travelling from the hotel to the stadium. This was a really surprising attack considering the fact that cricketers are revered like Gods in the sub-continent. Yup, even the terrorists are hardcore cricket fans!!
As it turns out, the terrorists were actually students of the Terrorist Training School in Talibanistan, which is affiliated with the Jihadi International University. They were enrolled in the MBBS course – ‘Masters in Bomb Blasting Strategies’. And not the MSc degree – ‘Masters in Suicide Course’. Probably, that was the reason they left after hurling a few grenades and killing just 6 policemen!!
Another interesting finding was that each of these terrorist carried packets of dried fruits and dates. This proves that they were some of the good Taliban who had just come to watch a game of test cricket and got so bored that they decided to have a training session instead!!
Now, who the hell are Good Taliban??
Ok. Let me explain. For administrative purposes, Pakistan Government has classified the Taliban into the following categories:
- Bad Taliban: The hungry, half naked ones found in Afghanistan.
- The Good Taliban: The ones that recently took over Swat region of Pakistan.
- And then finally, the really really Good Taliban: The ones that run the Pakistan Government.
Nevertheless, their complete failure to kill even a single Sri Lankan cricketer prompted the Pakistani Prime Minister to say, “In the worst ever performance by our home grown and trained terrorists, all the visiting Sri Lankan cricket team members left Pakistan shore alive. This would certainly tarnish the image of Pakistan as a breeding ground of terrorism. Our credibility to produce world class terrorists has taken a serious beating. The government has asked the ISI to focus on improving the training standards and urged the terrorists to take their training and careers seriously.”
The Pakistan Police have also revealed the names of those involved in this attack following criticism from international media. The names are Kiluwita Bomah, Tuchma Poosibech, Awan A Fuqya, I-Sheet M’Drurz, Yuliqa M’Diq, M’ Balz Es-Hari, Uwana M’Diq, Usuqa M’Diq, Graabir Boubi, Haid D’Salaami, Hous Bin Phartee, I-Bin Pharteen, Shaif Hirboush, Al-Suq Akweer, Apul Madeek-Aoud, Giting Pakdwof, Rubba Boubi, Aise Alhata Boubis and Ikil Uall.
On the other hand, the Sri Lankan cricketers, surprisingly, were holding on quite well.
Team captain Mahela Jayawardene explained the civil war in Sri Lanka had left them better able than other teams to cope with the atrocious attack. "We have been brought up in a background of terrorist activities," he said, "this was just another day at the office for us.”
Mutthaiah Muralitharan, the world’s best offspinner, too added, "We are used to hearing, seeing these things. Firing, bombings. So we ducked under our seats when the firing began and waited - we were talking about the wicket, because it might take spin on the last day.”
This failed attempt has also led to serious concerns over the use of cheap Made-In-China ammunition and grenades. Pakistan Government has ordered a high level probe consisting of all ammunition experts under the leadership of A.Q. Khan (father of the Iran’s Nuclear Program), to study the unexploded grenade for the reasons why it did not perform expected duties.
The Chinese Premier has also issued a public apology to Pakistan People for failing to live up to their expectations and vowed to strengthen their R&D and manufacturing facilities to re-instill the confidence in consumers.
Facing flak from the entire world over the failure of the war against Taliban, President Obama said that, “We need divine assistance to deal with these Pakistanis.”
But, in this case, even God won’t be able to help!!
All You Wanted To Know About The Recent Terrorist Attacks, But Were Afraid To Ask
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