Sure, Global Warming will be the biggest crisis in history involving the rise of the sea levels and mass loss of homes. Sure, a couple million people will be out of their cities. There has been so much bullshit on Global Warming that it seems more like ‘Global Boring’ to me now.
Who cares what happens in the next 100 years? It won't happen within the next week, so why deal with it now? Who cares if the ocean levels rise? Atleast it would be easier to climb Mt. Everest if the mountain tops melt. Nobody will have to plow their driveway anymore!
Maybe, I do care a bit. So, to show my concern for the environment, I conducted a survey by asking some questions on Global warming and environment to some random people. Below are listed the replies I received from these people…
(1) “Global Warring? Yeah. I love Global Warring! I am planning to declare war on Iran next month and then North Korea and then….” – President George Bush, on being asked about his views on Global Warming for the first time.
(2) “Sure, the planet’s going a little warmer. But it won’t feel so bad ‘cause you will be ankle-deep in water!!” – President George Bush, on being explained the theory of Global Warming.
(3) “We can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.” – President George Bush.
(4) “If you wanna save the world, you better figure out what to do with Al Qaeda. They got bombs!!” – A CIA official.
(5) “We are doing our bit for the environment. We are going to move from the ‘One Child Policy’ to a ‘Share A Child’ policy.” – Chinese Minister of Family Planning.
(6) “I heard that fart contains methane gas. Kill anyone who farts too much!!” – Chinese Prime Minister.
(7) “What?? Global warming is attacking us?? We need more foreign aid to buy missiles to defend ourselves!!” – Prime Minister of Pakistan.
(8) “In our continuing effort to counteract global warming, we have decided to bring back the Cold War.” – Russian Prime Minister Putin.
(9) “I help the environment by wearing wigs. People put a lot of chemicals in their hair, then they wash it out, it goes right into the river, and then people gotta drink that water. When you wear a wig, just flush it down the toilet. It ends up in your glass, well then atleast you can see it!!” – A Hair dresser.
(10) “Deny that Global Warming is a theory by burning every copy of Newsweek that reported Global Warming.” – A protagonist of the Global Cooling theory.
(11) “If the earth dies, that would be tragic, but I would sure like to sell that coffin.” – A Funeral Director.
(12) “I drive my SUV all the time. If I walk, I have to eat more and if I eat more, I have to shit more. And shit pollutes the environment!!” – American guy.
(13) “I save the environment by driving as much as I can. You ride that train? That train is filthy man!! You know it’s dirty as hell. Full of black people!! If you wanna save the planet, get rid of them trains.” – A racist guy.
(14) “When working on a project, I accidently invented the perpetual motion machine. But, I won’t reveal that to anyone. I don’t want to be on the hit list of all the power companies. Hell no!!” – A scientist.
(15) “We should abolish the environment, for its hard to clean and it takes too much place!!” – A blonde.
(16) “I don’t know what a tree looks like. I think I once saw it on Discovery Channel. Looked cool!!” – A New Yorker.
(17) “Is the north pole melting? Where will Santa stay??” – A concerned 6 year old.
(18) “Make it legal to hunt global warming. See some warm air? Shoot it. Found some aerosol? Shoot it. See someone driving a hummer? Blow up the hummer. Do your part today to fight global warming and save the polar bears.” – A polar bear hunter.
(19) “Why don’t we all turn on our ACs and keep the doors open? That is bound to cool down the environment.” – A sheikh in Saudi Arabia.
(20) “I think I won’t mind the rising sea levels. My house will be much closer to the beach!!” – A bloke in Little Rock, Arkansas.
(21) “Global Warming extremists don't seem to understand that even if skiing opportunities become extinct, there will be unlimited water skiing possibilities in the future.” – A skiing enthusiast.
(22) “Oxygen is the real culprit behind global warming. If there was no oxygen, the human race wouldn't exist, and henceforth the process of global warming would not exist.” – Hitler.
(23) “Greenhouse gases? I thought they escaped through the hole in the ozone layer.” – An over-smart whiz kid.
(24) “Fill a bottle with water before you throw it away. This will prevent sea-level rise.” – A blonde on the beach.
(25) “Stick a cork in every cow's ass.” – A farmer, on being explained that methane from cows’ farts contribute to Global Warming.
Seems like some of these guys were good at coming up with simply ridiculous, solar powered excuses in my hypothetical survey. But if the future lies in the hands of people with such views, then I can say just one thing. The future for Mother Earth is totally bleak. In fact, there is no future!!
But, why should I give a crap about it? Global Warming is a pain in the ass for the future generations. Not me!!
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