I don’t like a lot of sports like golf and baseball. But, American Football leads the list. I never seem to understand America’s obsession with American Football.
What’s so entertaining about a bunch of doughy, sweaty men in shoulder pads and pedal pushers lining up in front of each other time and again just to slam into each other and land in a pile while some scrawny guy tries to throw the ball to some other scrawny guy before the fat guys jump on him. It's just simply ridiculous!!
And why the hell is it called ‘Football’? Neither is it played with the foot nor does the ridiculously shaped ‘ball’ look like a ball in any imaginable way. Why don’t they call it the ‘Hand Egg’?
I believe that American Football is popular since it helps to keep the crime rate low in America. After all, it is a perfect way for these guys to get rid of their aggression without having to go to jail for it. Everyone is given a free pass to hit the shit out of each other till someone falls unconscious on the grass!!
American Football is just an hour long sport which actually lasts for four hours – arguably the slowest game on earth! There are ads with each change of possession, most time-outs and challenges, between quarters, the 2-minute warning, after every score, half time, another set of challenges and time-outs, another 2-minute warning, booth reviews, injuries - it's just ridiculous. Jut try turning the TV on at random in the middle of a game. If there aren’t ads showing and anything is actually happening, it’s a miracle. And if anyone says cricket is slower, I’ll let Geoffrey Boycott loose on them!!
And what’s so super about ‘Super Bowl’? Does it have wings or something? Did it win the ‘super’ title from Superman in a poker game? Anyways, the Uncyclopedia defines it as, “The Super Bowl is a collection of high-priced, high-production-value television commercials directed at 18-45 year old males with arrested development, presented annually a few weeks after the holidays.”
American Football is a lot similar to Rugby with a name that’s been stolen from Football. So, what’s the actual difference between American Football, Rugby and the real Football (that thing which Americans recognize by the name ‘Soccer’). Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen. Soccer is a gentleman’s game played by beasts. American Football is a beastly game played by beasts!!
What’s the big deal in a sport that is probably played by only two countries, USA and Canada?
Ok.. Here’s what some smart asses like me have to say about this…
Ass slapping, tight pants, excessive protection, and a ridiculously shaped ball. Sounds like a bunch of schizophrenic ten-year-olds developed this game.
- Oscar Wilde
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
- Erma Bombeck
Most football teams are temperamental.That's 90% temper and 10% mental.
- Doug Plank
You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.
- Dan Birdwell
Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.
- Frank Gifford
American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.
- Sue Lawley
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Phyllis Diller
College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.
- Elbert Hubbard
It's football you retards! Stop changing it's name to make your American sport look good.
- Obviously not me!
P.S. This post is just meant to be satirical. So, if you can’t get the satire and decide to send me hate mail, then you should certainly get your brain examined by a Neurologist for the pathological condition characterized by the loss of sense of satire.
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