A personal statement is a tool which serves to deceive the programs into thinking that you are probably the best candidate for them. Well, ‘deceiving’ might be a strong word since everyone expects us to be honest and original in writing a personal statement. I don’t say that all of the applicants lie about their lives. Some of them have a unique ability to present even the obscure details of their life in such a grand way that the programs just can’t ignore them.
Every personal statement that I have come across or read is like a gilded manila dossier that sings of overachievement to the point of indistinction. Everyone has atleast 2-3 major research discoveries that are either published or waiting to be published in major medical journals. Everyone has saved atleast 2-3 lives by performing timely CPR. Everyone has had a life shattering experience. Each and every personal statement brags about playing some sort of a musical instrument or practicing an obscure martial art or surmounting Mt. Everest. Not one personal statement would mention the bloopers made during medical school or internship. Well, I have compiled a list of most common stupid(and to some extent funny) statements that I have read in a personal statement.
1) “Many things in life will catch your eye, but few will capture your heart...pursue those." Seems pretty lame and, to some extent, cliché.
2)“To actualize my life-long commitment to serving the underserved, something about which I have been passionate since the third grade, I decided to devote my free time working to facilitate the delivery of basic health care to the refugees in Darfur.” A complicated sentence to describe a simple, straightforward fact. Could have been written as “I went to Darfur in my senior year to work at a refugee camp.” These flight of ideas, flashbacks, and other literary devices are dangerous weapons in the hands of amateur writers.
3) "I can still remember the day we raced dad (or mom or grandparent) to the emergency room as he clutched his chest in agony. That was the day I vowed to pursue medicine as a career.” This one is my personal favorite since I too started my personal statement with something similar. Some guys use a more dramatic statement like “That was the day I vowed to fight coronary artery disease for the rest of my life.”
4) “Many people have tried to tell me that a triple amputee cannot practice medicine. Well, these naysayers remind me of the pessimists who told me I would never obtain a black belt in Shotokan. The same grit and determination which led me to break planks of wood with my nose will see me through any challenges that residency may throw in my face." I actually read this on Resident’s Cafe forums. This is just one example how people turn their physical disability into an advantage for the residency program. Quite creative, but funny nevertheless.
5) “Ms. Auburn was a cranky, irritable old lady with terminal metastatic breast cancer. She often refused treatments and used to shout at residents. I was afraid of her, but after talking to her for sometime and sharing her sorrows, I literally changed her and she became more cooperative.” This one is a perennial favorite amongst the female kind.
6) “I might have taken three attempts at passing the USMLE, but it just signifies my ability to try and try till I succeed. You can be sure that I will bring the same grit and determination in taking care of my patients.” A pretty lame excuse for repeated attempts on the USMLE.
7) “I am regularly amazed that I got into medical school because I have done absolutely nothing in life of any use to anybody. Compared to the typical medical school applicant, my life has been a vast wasteland of watching television, playing frisbee with my dog, and other activities that do nothing but prove my unfitness for a medical career.” Really stupid attempt at achieving obscurity. Sometimes brevity is a better virtue than writing ponderous prose about one’s life.
8) “A man in Vancouver, Canada, has discovered the hard way that listening to earphones in a thunderstorm can be a very bad idea. He was jogging while listening to an iPod, when he was struck by lightning. The earphones conducted the electricity through his head, bursting his eardrums and fracturing his jaw.” This is the funniest interesting case I have read on a personal statement.
9) “Internal Medicine is like a vast ocean and I would like to sail accross this vast ocean.” Or “To me, medicine is like a jewel with many facets.” Or “Medicine is a flower.” Stupid metaphors!! I used one too!!
Well, I might not be above all this since I have used a lot of these seemingly stupid statements in my personal statement. In the end, getting in a residency program is all that matters. Ain’t it ?
P.S. I have selected most of these statements from those that people put forward on the various residency forums. This is not an attempt to ridicule anyone.
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